An Apology Letter To My Body.

I knew getting back into the gym would be different.. I knew I would be no where near where I use to be months before... and I was more than right. Raul and I opened up our gym memberships yesterday and hit the gym this morning. Oh the embarrassment and sense of failure I had. Picking up 10 pound weights when I use to pick up a 25 on lat raises... a 25 pound plate instead of the 45 on plate raises.. My arms were in pain before finishing my workout and the thoughts / questions kept running through my head, "Miriah, why have you done this to yourself...". I kept telling Raul, 'I am so weak...I am seriously struggling' and just shaking my head at myself. I have no clue what was going through Raul's head... He had seen the woman I use to be in the gym and seen where I stood now. Thing is though, I did not want to know, I was afraid to know. During the workout though with the thoughts running in my head I actually was happy to be there..
I knew to get back where I was, I had to just fight through it. I knew it was just going to continue to hurt worse but the satisfaction of seeing my new body would be worth it. So I fought through it, I finished my workout and knew I put all I could in it.

Doing this, There is something I realized; getting back into shape after being very much in shape; is so much harder than when you starting working out for the very first time. Physically and mentally. More mentally though. You know what your body could once do, you knew what the definition in your body looked like and you knew how you felt. You knew where you should have been but was not anywhere near. The thoughts of that are overwhelming but are also so motivating. However, I apologize to my body. I apologize to my husband and I apologize to those who I am a inspiration to. I hit a hole. A deep one.

I am sorry that I did not take care of you the way I was suppose to. I fed you greasy/fat foods instead of lean proteins, fruits, veggies and complex carbs. I did not give you the 150 minutes of exercise a week that is recommended instead just doing things when I felt like it. I did not give you the supplements and products for the nutrients you need instead I made you lack the things you needed most.. I did not eat the 6 meals a day like you needed me to, instead I starved you. I am sorry I did not take the best care of my body or even great care instead rather just okay-good. I let you down.. I let myself down. You give me life and I took the wrong advantage of that. I did you wrong for too long and I am feeling it. Boy am I feeling it. So here is to a new start. A fresh one. Here is to a better you. A better one than before! Here's to waking up earlier in the mornings, getting in the proper meals and the proper number, here is to more than recommended exercise, to the vitamins and supplements, to the attention you need. You deserve the best, I will give that to you!